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10 Signs that Prove You’ve Finally Made It as an Author

Guest post by j.a. Kazimer

I write novels. Not for a living. Not yet at least. But one day I hope to be a ‘real’ author. But how will I know when I’ve ‘made’ it? Here’s a quick checklist for all of us who dream of writerly fame and fortune:

1.  You see the three hundred pound linebacker with a cold sitting next to you on your eight hour, four layover flight to a writer’s conference in Nebraska pull out a dog-eared copy of your book.

2.  On the street, strangers, the ones who bathe regularly, stop and ask you to sign their body parts.

3.  When shopping for condoms at Walgreens you see your book on the impulse buy book rack.

4.  Your parents actually introduce you to their friends as their son/daughter.

5.  You pay your bills, on time, and with smiley faces dotting the I’s.

6.  Agents occasionally return your phone calls.

7. Your mother’s sister’s cat sitter (twice removed) emails you to pitch an idea for a book about sparkly vampires and an angst teen girl and generously offers to split the royalties if you’ll write it.

8.  People stop asking, “Oh, you’re a writer? What do you do for a real job?”

9.  The word deadline makes you break out in a rash.

10. You move out of your parent’s basement.


Froggy Style

Froggy Style

J.A. Kazimer is a writer living in Denver, CO. Books include The Junkie Tales, The Body Dwellers, CURSES! A F***ed-Up Fairy Tale, Holy Socks & Dirtier Demons, Dope Sick: A Love Story, SHANK, and Froggy Style: A F***ed Up Fairy Tale.

When j.a. kazimer isn’t looking for the perfect place to hide the bodies she spends her time surrounded by cats with attitude and a little puppy named ‘Killer’. Other hobbies include murdering houseplants, kayaking, snowboarding, reading and theater. After years of slacking, j.a. received a master’s degree in forensic psychology in 2007, mostly to fill a 8 x 10 blank spaces on her wall. In addition to studying the criminal mind, she spent a few years spilling drinks on people as a bartender and then wasted another few years stalking people while working as a private investigator in the Denver area. Cheaters, drunks, deadbeats and family hold a special place in j.a.’s heart, as well as a few pages in her novels.